For the day i felt over whelmed beyond measure with LOVE for Braden. When he was born and i first saw him i felt unconditional love but i knew there was more room in my heart for him and i just had to wait for that to be filled up. It takes me longer then most people i guess, or at least friends i've talked to. With Riley, i specifically remember on day 3 of her life i had this moment where she just became undescribably perfect to me. I love my kids with all my might from moment one but for some reason to feel it completely it takes me awhile...well with Braden, it was when he was 5 weeks old. Quite a long time! I wasn't nervous, i knew it would come, but that was a long wait. I tried to think of reasons for this...maybe because he only let me sleep in about 2 hr intervals, and we are just now at 3 some nights! (no sleep makes it hard to be emotional in a good way and to get attached to something, it makes it easy to be grumpy though!)I know he only wakes up to eat-not his fault and something i love to provide for him but after a few weeks of no more than 3 hr of consecutive sleep i think my body goes into survival mode :) Maybe because i already have a child and so it was hard to sit and hold and talk and bond with braden when i have Riley to also take care of and love on and execute her demands. Who knows what it was but it's over. I looked at him one day last week and couldn't stop looking. I finally took the time to not care about the 100 million different toys scattered around the entire house(just typing that makes my skin crawl...ocd my friends...), about the dirty kitchen and laundry that has been in the washer for two days. I sat and held and stared into his sleepy eyes. A leaned to josh and said "Babe, i finally fell completely in love" aww what an amazing feeling...
I can't speak for the rest of the mothers in the world, but I can relate to you here. And I think more mothers can too, whether or not they admit to it openly. I agree...when they are born you do love them from the core of your being...they are your child...how could you not love them. But "falling in love" with them happens on it's own time. I am so glad it has happened with Braden for you now. What a special moment to always remember.
ReplyDeleteI am going to be completely honest with you and admit that I just had that with Nathan like 3 weeks ago and he was almost 3 months! It's so much harder when you have toddlers running around to tend to! I had a day where I just kept looking at him and wanting to "play" with him all day and then I told Russell about it that night. It took me a long time to get to that point and I don't know why, but there you have it. I don't think I was prepared because he was early, and then I was frustrated with the birthing process and came home to toddlers that needed me all the time. Anyway, don't feel badly about it.
ReplyDeleteI'll confess on your blog... I hate getting up during the night. I get mad when I hear Tommy crying because he's hungry. But as soon as I pick him up, it's all gone and I'm just so happy to be holding him and loving him.
ReplyDeleteI love being a mommy.
I think you're on to something about it's harder/ takes longer to bond when you don't get any sleep. Everything's harder with no sleep! Here's wishing you 4 consecutive hours soon! :)
ReplyDeleteI remember having that moment with Brooke as well. I actually had it again today! I totally understand loving them with everything the moment you see them but then there is that moment where you suddenly would die if something happened to them! I am happy you had your moment and you are head over heels in love!
ReplyDeleteI love the honesty, I have no problem talking about this stuff, but sometimes I'll get a look that says "you should be ashamed of yourself for saying that". Meela took the longest to bond with I think, even though she's definately been my easiest kid. Topher was the first, and Elenie's probably our last, so I'm really treasuring all the little moments...every experience is just different! Happy for you and Braden!
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